Please, realize
by Bound for You
Summary: Ever wonder how Sam can eat a lot but is still thin? OOC **rated t for ED, read AN at the top before you read.


**I decided to write a story about Sam having an Eating Disorder. I wrote this because, I myself have an EDNOS(it is a mix of Anorexia and Binge). **

**Note I am not pro-Ana or pro Mia. I do not wish eating disorders upon anyone. I just wrote this to show people that this is serious and people really do experience these things. **

**I do realize Sam is totally OOC but hey Bulimia is the only eating disorder I could really see her with with her way of eating and her size (or lack of it). **

**So here we go. **

**I do not own iCarly. **

In five, four, three,two... I lunge two fingers into my mouth and down my throat. As many times as I have done it, I still feel the rush. I feel the food I had swallowed less than ten minutes ago come back up my throat and esophagus, finally entering my mouth, only to go into the toilet. I feel my knees start to soar up from being on the hard linoleum floor of the Shay's bathroom. I had been in here since Carly left to pick up some prop for Friday's iCarly. I stand up and go to the sink. I grab my toothbrush (Carly had made me get one to put in here, just because I was always at her house) and the blue Listerine bottle. I pour a half cap and rinse my mouth getting all the left over pieces out of my mouth. I spit out the foaming liquid and brush my teeth, rinse my mouth again, wipe down the sink, and flush the toilet.

I swallow the pill. It is a laxative/appetite suppressant. I got them from my mom's collection in our medicine cabinet. They keep me from eating on the weekends(when I just stay home) and help with my digestion of every thing that does not end up in Carly's, or my own Lou. I help it down with water. I whisper 'what the hell' and take three more. It was a bottle of two hundred it wasn't like I was going to run out soon. I feel the disgusting aftertaste starting to form in the back of my throat. I chug more water but it doesn't help. I think for a second about going to the groovy smoothie, then my mind tells me that I don't need those calories and it will only come back up later.

I sign up for Phys Ed. even though the teach is a creep. In the class, I run faster and harder than everybody in the class. I push myself even in the games I don't like. I astonish people with my skills. I run around Seattle on the dreariest of days. I get Carly to come to the gym with me. I set the elliptical on the highest level and sweat bullets and burn my face with the scrounging heat. I challenge Freddie to races, saying it is for the pride. I need to perfect and toned. But no one else needs to know.

I go shopping with Carly. I take ten shirts into the dressing room with me.I try only one on. I look at my stomach in the mirror. I pinch at my love handles, I grad the fat on my stomach, and I fondle with my B cup boobs, I tell my self all of these things need to be smaller. She makes me show her my bikini in the middle of spring. She tells me of the way she loves my toned stomach, and the jealousy she has for the gap in my thighs. But when I get to the changing room, all I can hear are the lies and all I can see is the access weight that I gain at Easter dinner.

I walk into the lonely apartment of my mother's and I.

I then go up stairs and cry.

I don't know why I did it. It was really stupid, but I just let all my emotions out in that two second time frame. Then that angst, was replaced with a feeling of frustration and over all hatred, towards everybody in my current life. I walk over and grab a notebook and pencil from a pile we had for newborn iCarly ideas. I flip to the first availible page and rip it out in all fury. I title in my ugly chick scratch hand writing :

_Reasons Carly and Freddie aren't smart. _

I start a list vigorously of all the little things that just prove that Carly and Freddie are almost as stupid as I am.

_1. If they were smart they would realize that even though I eat like a pig I remain a size 6. _

_2. If they were smart they would notice I go to the bathroom way too long after a meal. _

_3. If they were smart they would smell the freshness of my breath after a trip to the bathroom. _

_4 If they were smart they would recognize that I am not a hygienic person, so there isn't a logical reason for 3. _

_5. If they were smart they would see that the label on my pills clearly state- Appetite Suppressant. _

_6. if they were smart they would see that my teeth have been rotting no matter my efforts. _

_ they were smart they would realize I always use the second stairs bathroom even though there is one right off Spence's room and the Studio. _

_8. If they were smart they would notice my recent amount of hair loss. _

_9. If they were smart they would recognized how I chew my food more than most. _

_10. If they were smart they would look at me and realize I am slowly killing myself. _

I cry more and more.

I lie more and more.

I puke more and more.

I scratch more and more.

I lose more and more.

I eat less and less.

I feel less and less.

I die faster and faster.

I give up with every. single. breathe.

And I will continue, until I am six feet under.

And maybe then Carly and Freddie will reach full intelligence.

But until then I run.

I skip meals at home.

I commit more crimes.

I give people other things to worry about.

I make jokes and pretend to be happy

( for two seconds I believe I actually am)

and I pray.

I pray that someone will notice.

But then again they will probably be focusing on the fat on my stomach.


End file.
